Talking to yourself when you are alone psychologists insist it predicts extraordinary success others see early madness Update

The train car is almost empty late at night. A woman in a navy blazer is looking at her laptop screen and saying to herself, “No, that slide comes after revenue… then I say the part about Asia.”

A teenager sitting two seats away practices saying, “Don’t forget to breathe.” Take a deep breath. “You’ll be fine.”

No one is really talking to anyone. But there is a soft hum of private conversations going on with people who can’t be seen.

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One man looks up unsure of whether these people are stressed smart or just a little crazy.

The truth is scary and oddly comforting.

Psychologists have begun to answer a simple awkward question: when you talk to yourself when you’re alone, are you getting worse or better?

When “talking to yourself” looks crazy but smells smart

We’ve all done it: you see your own reflection in a store window and see that your lips are moving.

You’re going over a conversation again, getting ready for an argument, or quietly making fun of your broken printer.

It looks a little strange from the outside.

It often feels like survival from the inside.

Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as “self-talk,” and it is no longer regarded as an eccentric aside.

Some people now say that talking to yourself out loud, especially when you’re alone, is a mental skill that is very closely linked to focus persistence and long-term success.

Others still see it as a warning sign.

Two meanings, one action.

Think of the old story about the “weird coworker” who walks up and down the hall before big meetings.

He’s talking to himself and making hand gestures, and he’s saying things that no one else can hear.

A woman I talked to who is a product manager in Berlin said that she closes the office phone booth and practices her presentations in front of a mirror.

She goes through each sentence, times her jokes, and fights with herself about what the client might say to disagree.

Her boss used to make fun of her.

Then, without anyone noticing, her win rate on pitches became the best in the company.

What seemed like early madness was actually structured preparation in a socially awkward way.

Psychologists say that when we talk to ourselves, we’re letting out the voice inside our heads that talks to us all day.

We don’t let it swirl around in our heads; instead, we put it into words.

This kind of thinking out loud helps the brain sort through noise, set priorities, and control emotions.

A 2012 study from Bangor University found that saying instructions out loud helped people focus and do their tasks better than reading them silently.

*They say that self-talk is like a cognitive highlighter.

Your brain is hearing what you say right now.

That doesn’t mean that every whispered sentence is brilliant, but it does mean that your whispering is doing more than just making people in the store feel uncomfortable.

The quiet skill of talking to yourself “the smart way”

If you talk to yourself, psychologists keep saying that a simple change you can make is to change the pronoun.

Instead of saying, “I’m such an idiot, I always mess this up,” say, “You’ve been through worse than this; just take it one step at a time.”

It sounds almost like you’re giving advice to a friend.

That’s the idea.

The University of Michigan did research that shows that talking to yourself using your own name or “you” makes you feel less close to others.

It calms the panic so your brain can start to solve the problem.

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At midnight, the voice in your kitchen stops being a critic and starts being a cheap life coach.

It’s clear that the trap is cruel.

A lot of us already talk to ourselves, but what we say to ourselves is mean.

You burn the dinner and say, “Of course, you mess everything up.”

You miss a deadline and say to yourself, “You’re useless, you always do this.”

That soundtrack sticks over time.

You don’t need a therapist to know what that does to your motivation or courage.

Let’s be honest: no one really does this every day and catches every mean thing they say to themselves.

There is still a big difference between letting off steam once in a while and making a habit of bullying yourself.

The same tool that tells you how likely you are to succeed can also secretly set you up to fail.

Ethan Kross, a psychologist, says it simply: “The words you use to talk to yourself are not neutral.” They affect what you think you can do, how you feel, and how you act.

That’s where a small, almost invisible habit comes in.

Instead of always trying to “be positive,” start by paying attention to the things you say to yourself most often.

Then, try out a short script, like this:

• “Okay, you’re stressed.” Take a deep breath. “One thing at a time.”
• “You’ve dealt with worse. What’s the next thing to do?
• “You can be scared and still do this.”
• “This is hard, but not impossible.”
• “What would you say to a friend in this exact situation?”

You don’t have to yell it.

It’s enough to half-whisper in the shower.

The important thing is that the voice in your head is no longer your enemy dressed up as your own reflection.

When your private thoughts become your secret engine

You’ll see it everywhere once you start to pay attention.

Elite athletes getting ready for the big race by saying lines they know.

Founders walking alone on quiet streets, going over their answers to investors in the dark.

At 6 a.m., parents were in the kitchen whispering, “Okay, lunchboxes, laundry, emails, you can do this.”

It’s not crazy that we can’t name it, it’s a low-tech performance tool that most of us never learned to use.

It’s powerful to realize that you are telling your own story and always have been.

You sound like a harsh judge some days.

Some days, like a tired friend who still has faith in you.

It’s not a question of whether you talk to yourself.

What would happen if that voice were 10% nicer, 10% clearer, and 10% more on your side?

Main point, detail, and value for the reader

Is it a sign of mental illness to talk to yourself?

Not usually. It’s normal and often helpful to talk to yourself from time to time, especially when you’re planning, focusing, or controlling your emotions. When voices seem to come from outside, are hostile, or are out of control, or when self-talk is part of a bigger pattern of distress, people start to worry.

Can talking to myself really help me do better?

Athletes, performers, and executives all use strategic self-talk. When you’re doing something hard, clear, specific phrases like “One step at a time” or “Focus on your breathing” can help you stay focused and clear your mind.

Is it better to say things out loud or in my head?

Both work, but saying things out loud usually helps you remember and stay focused better. It’s still okay to whisper or speak softly. It’s important to be careful about what you say, not just how loud you say it.

What if most of my self-talk is bad?

Notice it first, and don’t judge yourself for it. Then change the words a little: instead of saying “I always fail,” say “This is hard, and I’m still learning.” Over time, small changes can slowly change the story you tell yourself.

How often should I talk to myself in a positive way?

There is no perfect time to do things. Use it at times that feel right, like before a meeting, when you’re stressed, or when you’re starting a hard task. It’s more realistic to have regular, short check-ins than to try to keep a constant stream of positivity going.